A Letter From The Post Master

Terrence st. Mountbaton
Post Master General
Sorting Office
6 Steeplespire Lane

Dear Sir,

It is with great sadness that I find myself writing to you regarding such a sensitive topic, however there is a serious matter that I must bring to your attention and with your help we may find a suitable conclusion.

A few months ago we started receiving complaints about late postal deliveries in your area which was unusual because all of our workforce have been with us a number of years, they know their rounds like the back of their own hands yet the complaints kept coming.

We tried speaking with the worker who delivers to those addresses but we couldn’t get a damn explanation out of the man! This went on for some time and the worker in question was put through disciplinary after disciplinary until we had no option but to simply let him go.

Once we hired a new worker and put him alongside one of our experienced men to learn the rounds things went back to normal and the complaints stopped. Until last week.

The complaints started coming again and we couldn’t get a word out of our new man either so I decided to question the experienced worker who he was trained with to find out what was going on. I finally got some answers.

This is the part in which I greatly regret having to inform you about Sir. It is your wife causing my men to run behind schedule.

My investigation of the matter revealed she has been watching for my men coming to deliver to your front door and greeting them in various states of undress.

Each time in different nightwear, lingerie and lord knows what else.

The bewildered men are led indoors by your wife where she flaunts about in her undergarments and making inappropriate conversation with my men which keeps them away from their work all morning!

How far this has gone I really don’t know but when I finally got the truth I was assured that the men had acted with as much poise and dignity as they could muster under such circumstances.

If this isn’t bad enough, my men suspect that she has been mailing letters to herself to make sure she always has an audience.

I do hope you understand the serious nature of this circumstance and can appreciate the difficult situation this has left me in, I have already had to let a good man go because of your wife and yet she continues leading my men astray and most importantly keeps them from their work.

Of course you can count on my discretion and I am happy to give you a fortnight to resolve the matter yourself but if you are unable to reach a solution then I’m afraid I will be left with no choice but to hire an additional postal worker to finish the round on time.

If this were to happen I would have to insist you contribute to their wages to make up for the time your wife is taking up with my men.

I look forward to receiving your decision of how you would like to proceed and I do hope we can bring this matter to a satisfactory conclusion.

Yours Sincerely,

Terrence st. Mountbaton
(post master general)